Home Tourist attractions Hilarious one-star reviews of top Texas attractions

Hilarious one-star reviews of top Texas attractions

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We scoured Google, Yelp, and TripAdvisor for one-star reviews of some of the state’s most iconic tourist destinations. The results did not disappoint.

One TripAdvisor user disliked Big Bend National Park, saying “the lizards weren’t friendly.” Another thought the Alamo was too depressing “since it’s about death.”

To compile this list, the Express-News used the most commonly named Texas tourist destinations on the web.

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These one-star reviews have been edited for length but not grammar to preserve their authenticity.

The Alamo

Unusual perspective of the historic Spanish Mission and Texas Fort, The Alamo, San Antonio, Texas.

Richard McMillin/Getty Images/iStockphoto

“For those of us not from Texas, your time would be better spent looking for the place with the best margaritas.”

“It was a great visit but it’s a little depressing as it’s all about death.”

Walk on the San Antonio River

People enjoy the San Antonio River Walk through downtown, Tuesday, Jan. 18, 2022, in San Antonio, TX.

People enjoy the San Antonio River Walk through downtown, Tuesday, Jan. 18, 2022, in San Antonio, TX.

Mark Mulligan/staff photographer

“Just got home from the dirtiest, smelliest BOG in the country! Even NOLA isn’t that bad!

“I disinfected my shoes every time I returned to my hotel.”

“The Riverwalk is an awful nightmare of smells, walking hazards and crap restaurants.”

Houston Space Center

Crowd attending the opening ceremonies of Space Center Houston in 1992.

Crowd attending the opening ceremonies of Space Center Houston in 1992.

Betty Tichich/Houston Chronicle

“Mostly a sparse collection of poorly executed child button-pressing exercises and billboard presentations. They must get NASA engineers or doctors to reinvent the place, because it’s only shit all around.

“Is this the best the government can offer? I mean, it’s NASA for shouting out loud, they put a man on the moon.

“There’s nothing cool to see but a space toilet.”

Big Bend National Park

A hawk flies over the Chisos Basin October 16, 2016 in Big Bend National Park in West Texas.

A hawk flies over the Chisos Basin October 16, 2016 in Big Bend National Park in West Texas.

John Moore/Getty Images

“It rained on me. In the damn desert. I mean, what is that?

“The lizards weren’t friendly.”

“Too many stones.”

enchanted rock

The pond behind Enchanted Rock.

The pond behind Enchanted Rock.

Pam LeBlanc/Contributor

“I honestly had to go back and read why Enchanted Rock was so enchanting…it’s a round rock/mountain.”

“There’s nothing enchanted about that.”

“Just a cash grab.”

The Texas State Capitol

The Texas State Capitol in Austin on Tuesday, March 30, 2021.

The Texas State Capitol in Austin on Tuesday, March 30, 2021.

Elizabeth Conley/staff photographer

“No Ann Richards or Rick Perry shot glasses in the gift shop. But they had a George W. Bush book. So I guess that’s fine.

“the ugliest state capital imo.”

“Too old.”

“It’s Texas, what are you waiting for?” »

The Sixth Floor Museum in Dallas

The Sixth Floor Museum at Dealey Plaza on November 21, 2013 in Dallas, Texas.  People visited the museum and Dealey Plaza on the eve of the 50th anniversary of the assassination of US President John F. Kennedy as he rode in a presidential motorcade at Dealey Plaza.

The Sixth Floor Museum at Dealey Plaza on November 21, 2013 in Dallas, Texas. People visited the museum and Dealey Plaza on the eve of the 50th anniversary of the assassination of US President John F. Kennedy as he rode in a presidential motorcade at Dealey Plaza.

Tom Pennington/Getty Images

“Honestly what a race, my wife wasn’t a fan and tried to leave but I was blown away. 1/5, don’t think I’ll be able to come back.”

“I was dozing off. Unless you’re a Kennedy fanatic, history buff, or assassination buff, this was an expensive waste of time.

Fort Worth Stockyards

Texas Longhorns at Fort Worth Stockyards.

Texas Longhorns at Fort Worth Stockyards.

JMichl/Getty Images/iStockphoto

“Sad. Pamphlet made it look like a stampede. People queuing in the street for about 7 steers to slowly walk down the street with dog handlers. A bit overrated.

“Drunks and wannabe cowboys.”

“I guess if you like cattle and gift shops, this is a cool place. I don’t like any of these things.

Cadillac Ranch

Cadillac Ranch, a public art installation and sculpture created in 1974 by Chip Lord, Hudson Marquez and Doug Michels on December 22, 2020 in Amarillo, Texas.

Cadillac Ranch, a public art installation and sculpture created in 1974 by Chip Lord, Hudson Marquez and Doug Michels on December 22, 2020 in Amarillo, Texas.

Josh Brasted/Getty Images

“I drove 2 hours 30 minutes from Lubbock Texas just to see spray painted cars half stuck in the ground…”

Natural Bridge Caverns

Natural caves from the bridge.

Natural caves from the bridge.

Carlos Javier Sanchez / Contribution

“Commercial Caverns would be a better name.”

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